Another Cape Archive oldie but goodie.

How to fix Final Crisis: The Big Blue Cry Baby
(from the Capes Newsletter 12/17/08)

I just read Final Crisis #5, the latest issue. The action and story line feels like it’s been turned up a notch. Darkseid’s plans are coming to fruition and DC heroes are in the greatest of dire straights. Readers are confused, story is dragging on, and the DC’s big three are no where to be found in this story. How do you fix this problem? How can you make Final Crisis better? I have one Simple Answer: Get Superman to Cry!! In many major cross-overs DC has done, we’ve had Superman crying on a cover. The most famous is Crisis on Infi nite Earths #7 where Superman is holding the dead body of Supergirl and weeping his head off as many heroes mourn behind him. This was the best issue of the series. A dramatic cover by George Perez, to suck the reader in and capture how dramatic the events that occur in this issue are. But I noticed something... Superman cries a lot. He’s a big baby. Every chance he gets, Boo hoo hoo. He cries more than Charles Ingalls does on Little House on the Prairie. Someone had to make Pa cry every episode, and something has Superman crying each major cross-over. (See some of my samples below.)

So DC, why not use Super tears to fix Final Crisis? But why stop there? It could be used to fix other comics, or better yet how about some movies? Superman, its simple, we just need you to call the girls over for a special movie night, borrow Sean’s DVD Box set of Mystic Pizza, or My Best Friend’s Wedding, or Fried Green Tomatoes. Grab a box of tissues and weep until it stops hurting. Go ahead Superman, have a good cry! ... Big Blue baby!